I am][wat>>I am==

2006-08-03T07:07:00.000-07:00

i din know that fyp (final yr project) is also otherwise known as fyp (find your partner).haha! first day of orientation alrd learn so many crappy and lame stuff.

2006-07-31T23:26:00.000-07:00

2.28pm

ahh...i love this song....courtesy of a new fren i met at mdis...cheers! the lyrics are so meaningful..too bad its in malay =)

artist: samsons
title of song: kenangan terindah

CHORUS
"bila yg tertulis untukku
adalah yg terbaik untukmu
kan ku jadikan kau kenangan
yg terindah dalam hidupku

namun takkan mudah bagiku
meninggalkan jejak hidupku
yang telah terukir abadi
sebagai kenangan yg terindah"

2006-07-10T06:23:00.000-07:00

9.19pm

i missed the gathering at far east plaza coz i was mighty sick. sigh. so much for trying to sleep as much as possible before the gathering to get back my strength.

nothing interesting happening to me, only that i've got 2 'major' tests coming up. i better pass. or else....

2006-07-03T04:15:00.000-07:00

7.11pm

soooo sick and tired of pple ordering me around. i wish i could say
SHUT UP.

2006-03-31T04:39:00.000-08:00

8.39pm

sat is the kelong trip. excited but not excited. sounds funny rite. excited coz i'll be happy, with the company of my frenz for the weekend. but not excited coz i left a mess at home. guilty guilty guilty.

home's a mess becoz something happened. actually not much of a big deal but someone made it look big. dunno how to solve this. now, the worst part is, i understand y that person acted that way, but i cant do anything abt it.

home becomes a depressing place to live in these days.

2006-03-26T19:27:00.000-08:00

11.26am

Ouh, so thats how the tag game goes!

Rules of the Game (courtesy of Hidayah's blog =D):

>>>
The tag victims have to come out with 7 different points of their perfect lover..
Specify gender of their target..
Tag 7 victims to join the game and leave a comment on their page saying they're been tagged.
If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.
Have fun!
<<<

2 pple (dearest nurul and hidayah...haha) tagged me for the 7 points, so here goes -

Gender of my target: M (of coz its M..haha...i'm straight)
1. mature and responsible for his own actions
2. have a sense of independence (not relying too much on other people)
3. doesnt smoke
4. witty and smart
5. good religious background
6. a good listener (i guess that includes being patient and understanding)
7. being truthful, even though sometimes the truth hurts

**psst~~ actually got many more but i believe this these points are the more important ones =P**

2006-03-23T19:38:00.000-08:00

11.38am

finally graduating~~

whoopie =D

2006-03-17T07:53:00.000-08:00

11.51pm

i'm feeling so restless right now. well, this always happens when i'm worried about something. ever felt like u've plunged into a situation with no way out? ya, thats it.

so much for trying to change my sleeping habits. as in trying to sleep early, that is. its close to midnight.

tick.
tick.
tick.

and tmr is going to be another day out. somehow it feels as if i'm getting more busy without school.

i so badly wanna talk. currently the chatting mode. but sadly, there isnt anyone chatting with me. oh, this is .....

horrible?
sucky?
lonely?

and the list goes on. ok at least i shd thank god i have a house, a family, and friends.

2006-03-14T05:49:00.000-08:00

9.48pm

quick refresh of events that happened the past few days:

Friday, 10th March 2006
- accompany mom to 2 hospitals for her appointments
- fetch sis from her school coz she came back from Bintan for her sec 3 camp
- BME bbq (was fun, fun fun!)

Saturday, 11th March 2006
- NTU with mark and kasturi

Sunday, 12th March 2006
- NUS
- Sim Lim square with bro and mom

2006-03-08T21:23:00.000-08:00

1.22pm

cant wait for friday~
i need fresh air...

2006-03-07T03:18:00.000-08:00

7.18pm

i feel bummed.
bummed.
bummed.

at the age of 19 i should make my own decisions right? where is my right of saying that i want this instead of that? i need my space. everyone needs their own space.

but why, why, why, am i not given the right to make my own decisions? u keep telling me to act like a matured person. how am i going to show u that i'm matured unless u give me the chance?

i cant go out with my frenz like other pple do.
i cant feel lazy.
i cant be trusted.
i cant go home a little later than usual.
i cant slack.
i cant this.
i cant that.

like hello?

i'm tired of all this.

2006-03-05T21:20:00.000-08:00

1.20pm

it doesnt mean that if someone hurts/cheats/rejects u, u're an invaluable person.

2006-03-01T00:17:00.000-08:00

4.16pm

i like these pics the best!

IAP Presentation on e 22nd Feb 06~
can be found at the link under the photo section...

2006-02-15T22:31:00.000-08:00

Your Personality Profile

You are pure, moral, and adaptable.
You tend to blend into your surroundings.
Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends.

You believe that you live a virtuous life...
And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye.
As a result, people tend to crave your approval.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

2006-02-07T21:55:00.000-08:00

1.55pm

well well well...one and a half more weeks to go before the end of attachment. after that would a question mark between work and studies. hmm.

2006-01-14T02:04:00.000-08:00

Countdown to New Year at Melaka

on the 31st of december 2005, my family and i went to melaka for a short holiday (2D1N) and visited my relatives staying in melaka as well. it was an experience not to forget, especially during the countdown at the hotel we were staying. it was really fun! let the pics tell the story =)

Rennaisance Hotel, Melaka
Hotel Lobby

Nice View of the Hotel Lobby frm 2nd Level

See those balloons at the ceiling of the hotel?

The string of balloons were loosened at midnight, where everyone was crowded at the hotel lobby

Many many pple!

Hehe, me and my sis eating breakfast buffet at the hotel cafe before heading back for spore...

2006-01-05T22:07:00.000-08:00

2.07pm

wana reply pple hu tagged me...haizy my taggy smthn wrong again...

to siti: happy new yr to u too! ok la its kinda belated...oopsy =P

new msg to JL and steph: hey sorry din reply both ur msgs on new yr...was on holiday with my family in malacca (msia)=P ...will write an entry on it for the next post =)
hopefully i remember how to put in the pics to let u all see =)

2006-01-05T21:25:00.000-08:00

1.26pm

got this frm someone's blog....meaningful and simple enough...

"Allah answers prayers in three ways: He says yes and gives you what you want, He says no and gives you something better or He says wait and gives you the best in His own time."

2005-12-28T23:06:00.000-08:00

3.07pm

What's Your True Color?
Shairah, your true color is Brown!

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

**hmm...its not entirely true, but almost true**

2005-12-22T19:02:00.000-08:00

11.02am

who are the people that will cherish u?
who are those that will like u for who u are?
who are those that will never critisize u?
who are those that are willing to listen to u cry?
and most of all, who are those that will stand by u and remember u for the whole of their life?

does anyone know the answers?

2005-12-07T16:13:00.000-08:00

4.13pm

ever felt like not wanting to think abt smthn but ending up thinkin abt it for the whole day? maybe that's the consequence for not listening to ur elders. or maybe i'm just being stubborn. or maybe there's smthn wrong wif me. or maybe...I JUST DUNNO WAT I WANT IN MY LIFE.
*grrz*
so pissed at myself.
stop it shairah, stop it.

2005-12-06T15:28:00.000-08:00

3.28pm

i finally realised y it was never meant to be. and i thank god for that.

2005-12-04T17:42:00.000-08:00

9.48am

life has been wonderful after my final exam for my religious class. no more exams till graduation! can u imagine that? so happi. other than that, i've made some new yet weird frenz online. its getting more interesting day by day.

2005-11-18T15:08:00.000-08:00

3.01pm

i suddenly remembered abt this funny thing that happened 2 yrs ago, wen i was celebrating hari raya back in KL with my relatives. we were supposed to go to my mother's fren house. we thought we were in the correct house. the front gate was open, so some of us went into the house to look for the houseowner. we sensed something amiss wen the house was unusually quiet.
haha.
the lady aka owner of the house came down the stairs, just smiled and said, maybe the house we're looking for is further down the road. some of us that were alrd in her house quickly got out and started laughing like lunatics.

eversince that incident, my cousins and i would always relate to it whenever we meet. it never fails to bring tears of laughter in our eyes.

2005-11-15T09:23:00.000-08:00

9.24am

sometimes, just a simple and short conversation with a fren makes your day.

2005-11-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

9.01pm

haiz, i dunno y i cant post up my replies on my tagboard...

i'll reply it here then:

to jl - haha, i lost my temper to a relative. v rare of me rite?

to tina - selamat hari raya to u too! maaf zahir dan batin...

2005-10-31T09:54:00.000-08:00

9.55am

apparently i'm becoming a full-fledged monster that can no longer control her patience. and because of that i'm regretting my actions. i think i just messed myself up. isnt that great.

2005-10-28T10:45:00.000-07:00

9.50am

i just got this mail from a fren, and i wanna share it with those who happened to read my blog. i find it quite true and meaningful:

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you,
be gentle with yourself.
There is nothing wrong with you.
Love just didnt choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you dont love him/her,
feel honoured that love came and called at your door,
but gently refuse the gift you cannot return,
do not take advantage,
do not cause pain.

If you fall in love with another,
and he/she falls in love with you,
and then love chooses to leave,
do not try to reclaim it or assess blame.
Let it go.
There is a reason and there is a meaning.
You will know in time.

Remember that you dont choose love,
love chooses you.
All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes to your life.
Feel the way it fills you to everflowing,
then reach out and give it away.

How you deal with love is how you deal with yourself,
and all our hearts feel the same pain and joys as you,
even if our lives and ways are different.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing,
but as their love cools,
they revert to seeing their love as need.
They cease to be someone who generates love,
and instead become someone who seeks love.

2005-10-25T14:33:00.000-07:00

2.34pm

she felt sick. she doesnt know what to do, she doesnt know wat to say. is that being stupid? her mind drifts endlessly...far far away. wat is the problem with her?

2005-10-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

10.45am

woot woot!
its been quite awhile since i've been here.
i'm like slacking all the way for IAP, yayness!
ok la, not reali slacking, but its quite relaxed compared to fyp.
happi happi!
maybe later in the middle of IAP i'll feel the stress, when the presentations and reports need to be handed in.

to all my IAP frenz, hows it goin?
shd be much much better den fyp, muahahaha.

okok i shdnt sound mean to my fyp frenz, just wanna tell them ganbatte!

working @ DSI is like alot of testing and measuring stuff. Everyday also got testing.

hey steph! can u please take care of urself? u sound like u're going to fall any moment (from your blog entry).

hey mark! working in the clean room is fun! but its so cold and u cant see the outside world. can lose track of time man...which is kinda scarie. u had fun at sabah, that's good!

hey jialing! happi belated birthday (hehe, sms not enough, must tell everyone here). dun bonk my head ok?

hey amelia! the korean show getting more depressing. haha, but i still watch it anywayz.

lolx. dun wana write abt so many pple here. in my future entries i'll include more =)

2005-10-08T14:57:00.000-07:00

2.57pm

my Goth name is Lady Lilth.
hahah...sounds filthy to me =P
i aint filthy though

2005-10-04T11:37:00.000-07:00

11.37am

I am THAT free to blog when i'm working. waiting and waiting for pple to finish using the machine so that i can do my experiment. half a day gone. zzzz.... in the meantime i dunno wat to do except for reading and surfing the net.

*to any of my dk mates reading my blog: wen is training gonna start for the upcoming performance? heard its on saturday, but wats the specific date and time? tag me ya!

2005-10-02T21:23:00.000-07:00

9.23pm

my legs felt like lead after being MIA in cycling and swimming. which means i gotta trim! zzz....b4 hari raya!

2005-09-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

10.13am

todae is the BME bbq. a nice way of ending an unpleasant semester and the starting a new one...alas, i get to do something totalli different from memorising notes.

another exciting journey awaits...hopefully!

2005-09-19T23:32:00.000-07:00

11.32pm

do u ever yearn for something that u can never get?

2005-09-15T14:34:00.000-07:00

2.35pm

how far would u go to sacrifice for a fren?

imagine this... would u:

1. give 60% of your liver to ur fren if he needs a liver transplant while risking ur life (the possibility of death) at the same time, plus awaiting for the arrival of ur baby? (ur wife is 8 months pregnant and about to give birth)

2. help ur fren give birth to babies since she is unfit to do so - performing in-vitro fertilization (eh...correct me if i used the terms wrongly)

3. make frenz with an enemy that previously harrassed u and critisized about ur race or religion, and let that person stay in ur house since he is dying of an illness?

4. nurse a neighbour's wound after she went through surgery to remove cancerous tissue due to breast cancer, and taking care of her children at the same time, even though u have ur own family?

5. stay by his side (ur fren is disabled and wheelchair bound) when the building is collapsing (sept 11 attack on WTC), even though u could have escaped unhurt/death and have the possibility of seeing ur family again?

i aint lying abt this, they are reali true stories happening around the world. some pple reali go to great lengths to help their fren. these type of frenz are the ones that we treasure the most, until the day we die.

2005-09-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

6.32pm

it took me 2 years to find an answer. finally, i found it.

2005-09-07T20:12:00.000-07:00

8.09pm

'hanging out' with my frenz who were doing the iap presentation just now, simply talking and laughing, made me feel sane once again. haha, thanks guys! for once i felt that i'm back to my old self... even though it was for a short while...

2005-09-04T19:16:00.000-07:00

7.16pm

i'm hoping for......

2005-08-16T19:59:00.000-07:00

7.59pm

words cant describe how 'well' the final review had gone. i'm speechless.

2005-08-14T21:10:00.000-07:00

wonder if there is less burden after the final review (final yr project presentation). after all, everyone's feeling so stressed that stress doesnt matter tt much anymore. its like the same with or without stress.

to siti: i've updated ur blog link...

2005-07-24T00:43:00.000-07:00

12.59am

juz wanted to add on wat steph has said in her blog....abt feeling empty. sometimes i do feel that way, like there's smthng always missing, waiting to be filled up. the thing is i'll nvr noe wen its gonna fill up, and by what. for now, i got to deal with the emptiness, not matter how much i dun like it.

today, i chatted with an old fren of mine, and she said smthng true, yet it felt weird to me. she said: fate will always be with u, even after death.

a lil strange to hear it for the 1st time. but i think i get what she means.

2005-07-18T00:20:00.000-07:00

12.36am

the past week has been pure torture. i'm mentally and physically tired, and on the verge of breaking down. yes its that bad. i need to hang on...just a little more, and its over...

someone told me i should have faith in myself. i should focus on what i reali want and make the best out of it.

i am. i really am trying my best.

it is exhausting trying to keep up with other pple's expectations.

and its killing me.

i dunno y i'm trying to please other pple, but i should stop doing that and look at myself for once.

2005-07-14T12:06:00.000-07:00

12.06pm

if u like someone, tell that person. after that its up to that person whether he/she wants to accept u or not.

2005-07-11T13:13:00.000-07:00

1.13pm

Don't always follow what your friends say, just follow your heart...

2005-07-05T21:36:00.000-07:00

9.36pm

i thought things are goin for the better...but now its taken its turn for the.....worse?

2005-06-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

9.23am

ah. its been some time since i've last updated my blog. i've either been too busy or too tired and lazy to post an entry. nothing much is goin on, except that i'm losing hair due to stress. lol. imagine this: i juz shake my head and some strands of hair drop to the floor. heh. its that bad. assignments, practicals and project have been keeping me very occupied. nevertheless, i try to enjoy myself by setting targets. after that i'd most probably watch animaes to release stress. so its assignments, den animae, project den animae again. and so forth.

doin alot of work made me forget to eat. haha. i noe i noe, its bad for my health. but i cant help it. my timing for meals has totally gone haywire. lyk lunch at 3 or 4pm. and dinner at 9pm. or worse, 10pm.

i'll try my best to put the time back on track. but cannot promise. lol.

2005-06-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

7.59pm

suddenly i feel lousy. haiz.

2005-06-01T22:01:00.000-07:00

10.01pm

huh? wat the hell happened?

2005-05-29T07:08:00.000-07:00

7.09am

top 3 winners of Piala Khatulistiwa 2005:

1st - ITE Tampines
2nd - Spore Polytechnic
3rd - Hai Sing Catholic

2005-05-25T21:34:00.000-07:00

9.54pm

y izit so difficult for pple to accept for who we are? bottomline is, nobody is perfect. so, y are pple still expecting alot frm us?

afterall, there's this phrase that pple always say: be yourselves.

is this some kind of stupid phrase where pple use for the sake of using it? for the sake of wanting to respect others?

puh-leez.

everytime i hear this thing, i wonder whether pple really mean what they say.

some pple are willing to change ourselves so drastically for the sake of other pple. so does that phrase still stand? when do we need to be ourselves and we do we need to change to adapt to the surroundings?

my fren said "well, u'll get to know this answer when the time comes. only then will u be able to make that decision". ok that's a good answer. in the meantime, we juz got to deal with whatever that comes along. whether we like it or not.

hey i admit i've used that phrase b4. BUT, i only use it when pple are too tensed up. when pple are tensed:
1. they stumble on every word they say
2. they get nervous when there's actually nothing to be nervous abt
3. they tend to forget everything that they have learnt
4. they would juz breakdown. this is the worse case scenario.

at this pt, yes the phrase do come into play. to be yourself. to be comfortable with who u are.

2005-05-19T21:14:00.000-07:00

9.15pm

wat do we reali want to achieve in life?

2005-05-17T06:38:00.000-07:00

9.41pm

"Feel like I'm stoned
wanna be alone, just for a while, unknown
Weeks on the road a long way from home
just shut off the phone"

2005-05-14T03:48:00.000-07:00

3.32am

its in the wee hours of the morning~~
and i'm bloggin. hah.
time to make some relfections without anyone bothering me.

todae (or rather yest) marks the end of the VPP. i dont know whether i should feel relieved. sch's gona start one week after the BPD break. i dun think its even a break coz we still got so many things to do. but so little time. time flies v fast. next thing u noe, we'll be getting a BME diploma. den wat comes next? guys will go for NS, gerls either work or continue in their studies. everyone's goin in different directions. one thing for sure, i'll miss my classmates. G2 rox =P

to my classmates hu are reading this, plz keep in touch after we graduate....no matter where we are, we shd still remain contactable. any changes to your contacts, also muz tell!! i hope we'll have at least one gathering a yr after we graduate, to catch up on stuff =)

throughout the VPP, i realised one very impt pt.
the pt is that, we'll nvr know hu our genuine frenz are until we are in trouble and we ask em for help. a true fren will always be the one hu stands out frm the rest to keep u company, no matter wen and where. thru rain or shine .
i alrd know who those pple are. they complete my whole meaning of life.

juz wana let those pple know that life rox wen they're ard =)

2005-05-12T01:06:00.000-07:00

12.54am

i'm reali sad. y? coz i dun understand certain things. things lyk wen i do the planning and organising of activities, pple dun give me credit. coz they think its others hu did most of the job. it jus sux. that feeling. juz because i din turn up, it doesnt mean that i din do my work. i proved it and even came up with the activity list in one week. and wat do i get? nothing. zitto.

someone pls give me a slap. to wake me up. i'm in a nightmare.

maybe i'm being selfish saying all these. but its also my hard work. my ideas. my time. i feel lyk i'm unappreciated. i'm being taken advantage. perhaps my mother was rite. i treat pple too nicely that dey take advantage of me.

its as if someone reali ripped my heart out.

next time dun blame me if i dun wana participate in any activities. blame it on those pple hu ripped my heart.

2005-05-09T23:13:00.000-07:00

11.13pm

i'm alone.

2005-05-05T21:57:00.000-07:00

9.57pm

for todae, all i can sae is: damn the guy hu screwed my IS selection.

wait wait. forgot to thank my frenz hu stood up for me. i mean those hu came to the IS office wif me.

after all that has happened, i realised my BME mates are swearing more nowadays. muz be the stress.

2005-05-04T21:58:00.000-07:00

9.58pm

hmm...i scratched myself and din noe i bled until i saw my fingers wet wif blood. how interesting is that?

2005-05-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

6.54pm

this weekend has rather been an eventful one. many things hapening. busy busy. but above all, i enjoyed it =)

2005-04-25T06:22:00.000-07:00

9.23pm

to my dear fren,
i noe u're hurting. part of me want to help u. part of me says tt i understand. but i can nvr imagine how u reali feel. my past is juz a small pinch of salt to my wounds compared with wat u're facing. i wished things could have gone for the better. i reali do. wateva it is, i'm so glad to have u as my fren. thru thick and thin. i could nvr ask for a better fren. i promised not to cry, but i broke it. dun feel sorrie for me, even though it is the 1st time i'm crying for a close fren. and dun think tt i cant take it, coz i cry just to make myself feel better. i'm also glad that u know me well, coz it seems that i do not need to explain myself and u could alrd tell wat i'm thinking.

to my dear fren,
i hope for the best in ur future.

to my dear fren,
i juz wana sae tt i'll always be ur fren no matter wat. tt's the most impt thing above all.

2005-04-17T20:56:00.000-07:00

8.56pm

lalala...i can watch dvd at home now
=P

2005-04-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

9.36pm

actualli i wanted to post an entry yesterday but the whole entry disappeared after i clicked 'Publish Post'.
nyeh nyeh....so troublesome to retype my entry so i decided to do it todae.

i juz wanted to sae sorrie to my MSS frenz hu are organising for the CCC. i mean....i'm also in the committee but den i've not been contributing much due to my final yr project. and the bad thing is, i cant do anything abt it. so so sorrie.

in addition to feeling sorrie, i am also feeling bored and restless coz of tt project...so many changes..so lil time...yet i'm some sort of slacking.

i've been watchin korean dramas during the project time also....coz lab is boring.
haha.
seems that steph and jialing are starting to watch movie in the lab too. oops. lol. did i juz influence em? nvm la....at least we have fun =)

2005-03-31T23:22:00.000-08:00

11.09pm

todae was juz, a mixture of both the gd and the bad.

the bad:
ESA exam totalli sux!
tot i lost my student card (again) and my concession pass! due to my kan-chiong-ness and not listening to lionel to check my pencilbox, i got frantic and started calling any lecturer to help me take my card holder in the exam room.
clement is goin overseas for attachment....so he's departing s'pore on the 12th april wen i'm having project. so sad, cant send him off.
AEM paper is not over yet! its on monday....sigh. and clashes wif the 1st day of project wat luck man...

the good:
din reali lose my card holder coz it was in my pencilbox. hahaha...tt was quite lame and dumb of me.
had a lunch wif my BME mates - me, shuxin, elmi, steph, amelia, viki, hairul, clement, chin hou, lionel, keith. lunch was nice but costs quite alot lolx. wat to expect, it swensons'!
heard other BME mates goin over to msia for a trip....hope they enjoy it too!
i finally managed to watch bleach 23! yeah! and 'The Incredibles' after Mark told me long long ago that i shd not miss that movie. now i noe y he lyks it...it is so hilarious. had a blast watching it! haha...thanks for the recommendation Mark!

cheers!

2005-03-27T08:48:00.000-08:00

8.37am

important things that i've highlighted and learnt this week:

1. wateva things tt are given to us, be satisfied wif it and do not brood over it if its not under our own control. this includes the FYP project steph was talking abt in her blog. understandable tt we usuali are never satisfied wif wat we are given, but come think of it, the idea is not so bad and its quite interesting. smthng relatively new to be discovered in the next 6 mths. *positive thinking*

2. ok, next will be, trying to control my temper. i've long ago realised that wen i'm angry and mad, i will show it on my face and pple will noe i'm unhappi wif certain things. i must keep it cool. tt will be the best way to handle situations.

3. wen i have nothing to do or too stressed to study, i should relax and enjoy myself doing wat i like, instead of trying to read on and on to squeeze in all the facts into my brain. this method of forcing facts in my head does not work at all.

4. try not to get pple alarmed over my stressful-ness. haha. i'm aware that some of my frenz tagged to sae tt i shd take it easy. ah, i juz love my frenz =) dun worrie, i'm hanging in there. thank you ver much for your concern =]

i'll be cool....hmm cool...yup.

2005-03-23T19:27:00.000-08:00

7.27pm

i'm feeling.....empty.
empty.
empty.

2005-03-20T18:19:00.000-08:00

6.19pm

i am so sorrie sis. this time i cant help u coz its partly my fault. but, it juz is so sad wen the other person hu is also partly at fault does not realise his/her mistake. i dare not defy and tell the truth because i noe i would be rebutted, so there is no pt in explaining wats the truth. aye, the truth hurts. i've learnt tt in many occasions.

2005-03-19T00:10:00.000-08:00

12.10am

reality sets in whereby i realised that yr 3 will nvr be the same anymore...no more G2...no more familar faces..no more frenz to go home wif...
wic is so sad

*sobz*

2005-03-16T20:24:00.000-08:00

8.24pm

*conversation between me and mak(mom)*

mak: wat time did ayah(dad) go out for his course?
me: huh? he went out? nola he's sleeping.
mak: eh.. cant be. he is always punctual for his classes.

*mak goes to her room to check if ayah's still sleeping*

mak: ayah's not at home la. he alrd went out.
me: huh?! reali? how come i didnt realise he went out?
mak: see la! see la! u dun even noe ayah went out. ape nie, buat ape kat rumah sampai tak nampak ayah keluar (wat is this, wat were u doin at home until u didnt see dad go out of the house?)
me: err....i was... (haven finish explainin)
mak: how many times muz i tell u? u always sit at ur study table. nvr see things tt are goin on.
me: *silent*

oops. sorry mom.
this conversation juz shows tt i reali got no life. period.

2005-03-15T05:08:00.000-08:00

5.08am

sometimes, i wished that things would have gone for the better.
sometimes, i regret the things that i have done, but its too late to change it.
sometimes, i juz have to live with my careless and stupid mistakes.
ok ok, enough abt this. no use getting worked up over *spilt milk*
u guyz muz be wondering wat the hell i'm doin online at 5.08am in the morning.
er, i guess its better not to reveal it here, coz later u guyz will think i'm crazy haha.

i'm actualli juz blabbering some nonsensical stuff here so that i wont be depressed or too stressed out.

i've been wondering and thinking abt certain stuff lyk relationships all that.
usuali its unintentional to think of such stuff, because wen i talk to pple, something will alwayz trigger my mind to think of it.

its quite distracting, and i guess i'll have to focus on what i have been doing so far. afterall, distractions will only make matters worse, or does it not? i dunno.

to sum things up (wic i dunno y i'm concluding but *oh my goodness* this sounds so much lyk an essay), the main pt is....FOCUS and ATTENTION...

haha bleagh. er, i think my entry is a big piece of chunk since the pts tt i've written are all not linked together, but pardon me on tt.

this juz shows how stressed i am. lolx...

PISSED

2005-03-12T17:24:00.000-08:00

5.27pm

i am so angry.
someone will never fail to piss me off everyday.
i'm alrd nice enough to let her use my laptop.
and wat does she do?
she takes advantage of my kindness.
wat the hell is that kind of attitude.
i WONT let her use my laptop unless some miracle strikes and i change my mind on it.

2005-03-08T14:22:00.000-08:00

2.19pm

sorrie havent been updating much...
this was wat i have been doin the past week...starting frm last saturday:
last saturday - ntu, changi chalets recce wif ccc committee
last sunday - religious class, ntu
last monday - bspa lab test
last wednesday - human comm presentation
last thursday - dtle intermediate test

busy, busy.
i've uploaded some pics on the changi chalet recce....feel free to check it out...
tata...outz

2005-02-22T00:56:00.000-08:00

12.57am
as the days pass by...i begin to learn more things, both gd and bad. i'm not sure whether its better to noe...or better kept in the dark. i'm stuck, coz i dunno wat decision to make, and i'm not sure wic way is the most suitable for me. and sometimes i got the urge to tell ppl wat i'm thinkin and feeling, but becoz i log in quite late...there isnt much pple left on msn. and den the urge goes away, wic means i dun feel the need to share it wif pple. now, is tt gd or bad? pple sae tt its not gd to keep too many things bottled up. i guess they're rite.... but it differs for each and every situation tt we face.

2005-02-19T19:28:00.000-08:00

7.28pm
its a sucky feeling wen u click on someone and want to chat wif tt person, but u can feel that person is not interested and is forced to talk to u. y bother trying to be nice den?

2005-02-16T00:18:00.000-08:00

12.19am
wat i'm feeling now...is undescribable. unexplainable. some things that i did not intend to happen came thru. i didnt mean it to hapen. and i guess trying to tell pple my problems aint gonna change anything. i am crying by myself, being alone, no one to help me.

2005-02-08T10:22:00.000-08:00

10.22am
i'll be away till thurs...
so i wanna wish my chinese frenz 'happy chinese new yr!'
best wishes...

2005-02-07T21:11:00.000-08:00

9.12pm
i am too innocent for my own good.

2005-02-05T11:41:00.000-08:00

11.41pm
Sometimes, i stop and think abt wat i'm doin. lyk during the study break. stop and think whether its reali worth it studyin so hard. y izit in spore, paper qualification is so important? does that paper reali certify that pple hu score well are smart? or are they juz so good in their study strategy and can memorise well? see, people hu are smart doesnt mean dey will score well in their studies. maybe coz they are better thinkers in practical life and can apply wat they have observed. its so hard to keep up wif pple hu are scoring so well, especially my coursemates in BME. juz lyk wat Mark said. grades are so important that the competition is getting tougher by the minute.

oh, and another thing.

its such an irony wen a teacher says that for an assignment, its ok not to follow her typical concept. just write out wat we think as well as the truth abt wat has been goin on in life even though there is not much positive changes. however, in actual fact, those pple hu talk crap and lie outright in the assignment, following the teacher's concept of writing out the assignment, will score better marks. so, wat does this mean? we basically have to lie juz to get gd grades. the crap teacher talks abt writing abt the truth is juz for us to hear. its not for us to implement in the assignment. so y does the teacher tell us abt writing out the truth and so forth? i get pissed at such lecturers. y waste their time lecturing us on writing the truth wen lying will give better grades? isnt that a thought to ponder on?

2005-02-02T18:50:00.000-08:00

6.50pm
this has got to be the worst CT i had ever taken.
i feel lyk hitting myself against the wall and cryin.

2005-02-01T07:48:00.000-08:00

7.49am
Question: Why should i care for someone wen tt person doesnt care abt me?

2005-01-26T23:07:00.001-08:00

11.08pm
i'm as confused as ever. i cant seem to think properly, cant seem to study, and i feel as if i'm alwayz in the clouds (blurry and do not noe wat is goin on). and god's sake...its alrd wednesday and i'm laggin behind in my studies. its lyk, i keep thinkin abt things tt i am not supposed to think abt wen i'm studyin. and so therefore, i canot concentrate well and in e end i read my notes lyk a parrot. read and read but still dun understand. haiz. i think i'm eating more and more. even wen i'm not hungry i eat. (?!) oh, wat i learn during my human comm lessons are down the drain. especially the positive thinkin part. how am i supposed to think positive wen my morale is low and i sometimes dun feel gd abt myself? that's a thought to ponder on. i hope smthn nice hapens soon...at least tt can boost up my morale. plus, i am so bored out of my mind reading these notes to prepare for CT. reali sickenin. wen can i stop studying and enjoy my life? ahhh. fat hopes. even if i stop studyin i still muz work.

2005-01-24T21:14:00.000-08:00

9.15pm
i'm havin a fever =(

2005-01-23T13:55:00.000-08:00

1.55pm
i think i noe e answer to y its been hard for me to forget things. the answer was given during my religious class, of all places. its mostly because i'm too close to smthng and its very difficult to part wif it. or, i'm too emotionally attached to smthng to let it go. ok, i guess the answer makes sense.

2005-01-22T22:57:00.000-08:00

10.35pm
tiring, tiring day. early in e mornin i had to help my mom cook things and prepare some food for a function. after tt was alot of walkin up and down e stairs to transport e food. there were lots of food... ok quite nice. b4 e function, during, and after e function, i think abt lots of things that i did.

i was thinkin....izit so hard to forget and move on wif my life? to me, yeah it is hard. guess i'm partly at fault for ending in this state. in a way, i felt blessed to keep such nice memories. in e end, i feel lyk its a great loss. i feel stupid for not conveying wat i reali felt and think at tt time. i dun think there's any chance for me to do that.

and i'm reali sorrie that in e process of feeling stupid for myself and trying to forget wat hapened, i have hurt other pple too. i juz...i dunno...its lyk i do wat i thought was rite at that time. its v difficult to explain wat i was thinkin at tt moment of time. but i'm reali sorrie.

i'm now holding onto e fact that once my fren said to me. he said that for everything that has hapened, there will alwayz be a reason y things turn out that way. and so i need to be patient for things to turn out the way that i want.

2005-01-20T23:20:00.000-08:00

11.16pm
wanna thank my dear frenz (mark, amelia, lionel, zul and elmi) for supporting me during my dk performance during todae's open house...cheers!

2005-01-16T15:02:00.000-08:00

2.56pm
todae mom fetched me frm my religious class because she wanted to register for my sis for the sec one intake. so in the meantime my bro back home had to cook tomyam for my mom, since she left the house with her cooking unfinished. and wen we got back home, we found out that bro put in the half cut lime in the tomyam soup without squeezing out the lime juice. LOL. so the tomyam now tastes a lil bitter. man, that was the joke of the day. one fact revealed: my bro is hopeless in cookin. ok ok maybe tt's exaggerating a lil....he can fry eggs though.

2005-01-08T00:27:00.000-08:00

12.28am
hmm....i havent been updating my blog in a long long time. burdened by assignments wic is not exciting at all. juz dun understand y some pple enjoy to do homework. so far, i think i lost slp. mr chee told us to go to a website to do this quiz on slp deprivation. or smthn lyk tt. hah. i dun need to do tt quiz coz i alrd noe for certain i am lackin of slp. anywayz....the toughest essay i had ever written was tt bloody human comm journal. juz imagine tt i had to rewrite tt stupid thing wic teacher rejected on the 1st submission.
but, i found out another thing abt myself wic i wasnt aware of due to tt journal. i reali find it difficult to express wat i'm feeling. juz a 3 page essay and i took lyk half a day juz to think of wat to write. and i dun lyk to analyse wat i feel. its not a norm for me. it juz feels so...weird. and out of place. i mean, who would actualli analyse wat they are feeling. sometimes its unexplainable y i do certain actions. and i'm supposed to analyse it. bleagh man.
However, the POM role play was funni. i wasnt supposed to laugh wen i was acting but people laughed....so it got infectious. the cardboard tt showed the shocked face was funni haha. courtesy of lionel's drawing.
oh ya, tmr (or rather todae mornin-sat mornin), lionel's goin for bowlin competition.... wish u all the best boss!

2004-12-25T00:11:00.000-08:00

12.10am
Hohoho! Merry Christmas everyone! wana thank my bme frenz for the christmas snacks too =P

2004-12-22T21:12:00.000-08:00

1.12pm
Got this frm my friendster bulletin frm irene...tot i wana share it wif u...quite interesting yet technical. enjoy!

How to install Love

CS Rep (Customer Service Representative): Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?
CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system.
It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean?
CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.CS Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this.Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
CS Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go.
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?
CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician, but most call me God. Most people feel all they need is an annual check-up to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer (Me) suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way, keep in touch.

2004-12-19T22:42:00.000-08:00

10.42pm
list of things shairah hasnt done:
1. BRE group project
2.BRE Assignment 1 (halfway done)
3. DTLE individual project
4. Human Communications journal
5. PDP2 Excercise 2 (halfway done)

wonder wat other things i've left out. but bottom line is, i reali got no mood to do homework yet. even though the work is piling up fast. also still in holiday mood. and feelin bummed coz most students (except polytechnic students) are havin holiday now but i aint.

2004-12-17T07:22:00.000-08:00

7.22am
forgot to update yesterday abt my bday haha...
yest was my bday and my frenz celebrated it wif a cake...
thanks guys!
i appreciate it =)

2004-12-13T21:32:00.000-08:00

9.33pm
i tot i was bein over-sensitive. but no. hell no. i was proven wrong. again. and again.

2004-12-12T22:35:00.000-08:00

10.35pm
from wat i heard frm pple, i think i'm getting scared of being involved in a relationship in the future. tt is if it hapens. i mean, all those heartache, arguments, breakin up and patchin up again, and all those negative stuff. seems not worth it to be involved in such things. its reali scary. i noe there are alwayz positive stuff to think abt wen in a relationship, but i cant seem to think tt way.

2004-12-08T23:24:00.000-08:00

11.18pm
i think an update is now necessary considering the fact that i've been neglecting my blog for the past week.
i juz feel so restless now. i noe i got at 8am class tmr. but wat the heck, i cant slp. not restless for nothing....restless due to some reasons for sure. but unexplainable reasons.
ok ok, i'm juz complicated.
if anyone wants to noe the best word that describes me, the word would be: complicated.
hmm, simple yet v hard to comprehend.
haiz, this is juz so confusing.
i got abt one more week to decide wat i reali want.

at least i got smthng to look forward tmr.
the company of my frenz in sch to make me happy, and also the arrival of my uncle's family frm ipoh. whee~~ will get to see lil cousin Muaz again
=P

2004-12-01T23:06:00.000-08:00

11.06pm
taufiq won!
taufiq won!
1st ever spore idol is here...

2004-11-30T12:21:00.000-08:00

12.21pm
sch's startin next week.
tt sux.

2004-11-25T22:43:00.000-08:00

10.43pm
little sis forgot to close the windows wen she went out.
and so my bed got wet due to the heavy rain.
and i dun have a pillow to slp later.

2004-11-24T18:04:00.000-08:00

6.05pm
I'm worth $1,975,716.86! How much are you worth?

2004-11-23T13:03:00.000-08:00

12.45pm
i am so freakin bored that i wished now was sch. ya ya i noe i'm crazy but.
at this pt of time i'd rather be in sch den at home.

yesterday (or rather midnite), me and sis couldnt slp.
and so we decided to play.in the dark.
so she got her teddy bear.
i got my teddy bear.
and we both mimicked child voices to play wif the teddy bears.
she placed her teddy bear on my bed, and i placed my teddy bear beside hers.
talk abt a sec 1 gerl and a soon-to-be 18 yr old playing teddy bears.
*utter crazi-ness*
was fun though.
LOL.
and i had weird dreams after tt.
it was all so surreal.
so fake.
wateva.
i dreamt tt somebody msged me abt smthn.
dun ask me wat tt smthn is.
i mean, i noe wat it is but i think i better not state it here.
and a series of weird incidents happened after that.
i dunno whether i shd be happy or sad.
it just seems too far-stretched.
and it would take a miracle for smthn lyk tt to happen.
seriously.
soon after tt my alarm went off.
seemed too soon.
had to wake up for mornin prayers.

2004-11-21T11:37:00.000-08:00

11.37am
y is my life lyk this. y? y?
i'm not a kid anymore.
i'll be 18. soon.
and i am still treated lyk shit.
i hate this.
nvr knew such words could affect me this much.
it juz hurts so much.
and no one understands.
it hurts lyk hell.
i'm breakin into pieces.

2004-11-21T10:57:00.000-08:00

10.58am
i think i regretted wat i juz did early this mornin. ok enough said